he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
