I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
