i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
