I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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