I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
now i know why i became what i already was.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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