You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
