she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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