I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
