His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She bit a glass in half.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I have post one night stand depression
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