At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think my fart just growled at me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
