i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
