you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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