bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
