I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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