She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
