okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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