My brain says no but my pants say off.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
