are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
