I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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