If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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