Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
