At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
