We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
