while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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