I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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