true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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