And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
