I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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