I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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