if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
