I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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