alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's never too late to be topless.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
