with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
