i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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