I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
