I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
