dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
