she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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