I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
