final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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