Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
