I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
