im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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