So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
