I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
