I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
