Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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