STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
