Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
