Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
