seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
