The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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